Exploring all the possibilities...

Portico TX

2010-01-13T14:39:00.002-08:00

Hello all,
I know that it has been so long since I've posted a blog. I also know that I am going to have to get much better about updating and writing. I want people to know about the great things that God is doing in my life, the life of my family, and the life of our church. Let me begin to unpack all of this..
In October (Kyle Raney, the student pastor of FBC Broken Arrow, OK) and I went to talk to our pastor about a call on our lives as church planters. We shared with him our desires and dreams and convictions. Our church and church staff at FBC Broken Arrow have been very encouraging and supportive in this process. They have prayed for and affirmed us every step of the way. It has been a great honor to serve here at Broken Arrow with all of the staff and I do mean all. It has been a huge honor to serve and worship with all of the students and adults that God has brought to the student ministry at FBC Broken Arrow. You have blessed our hearts (my family and Kyle's) in so many ways, ways more numerous than are capable of being described here on this page.
Our leadership at FBC Broken Arrow felt it in the best interest of our church plant, FBC Broken Arrow and the student ministry for us to depart from OK and make the move to Fort Worth, TX to begin the new work in January. On January 24, we will have our last day of service at FBC Broken Arrow. It is bittersweet for us. We love the people that we were privileged to serve there, but we are so excited to begin the work that God has called us to and prepared us for.
Kyle and I will be the teaching and worship pastors at the Portico Church that will make its base in Southlake, TX. We will be living in Keller, TX which is about 15 minutes from Southlake. Tentatively we will begin once a month services in June or July. Prayerfully, we will be up to weekly services by August or September. Our website will be up and running soon. The link is pasted with the title of this blog entry. On the website, you will be able to find our doctrinal and core beliefs. In the meantime, if you have any other questions about what our beliefs are and what we believe church should look like, please message or contact us. We would love to share with you what we believe God has called us to in the north Fort Worth area of the metroplex and ultimately, the world.
I tell you all of these things to inform all of you of the great things that God is doing. He has been so gracious and has gone before us in everything associated with Portico. He has softened and prepared hearts and is continually showing us people that need to hear the Gospel and be loved in the name of Jesus in the north Fort Worth area. I ask that you pray for us and for the people that God will send us to minister to. I ask you that you pray about partnering with us in this ministry. Perhaps God could stir your heart to such an extent to join us in Southlake to share the gospel of Christ to a people that desperately need his grace. Perhaps that partnership could be financially and/or through prayer. God is amazing and I love the way that he blows our mind in His plans for his ultimate glory!
A portico was the area outside of the temple where people would come to be healed and to seek help for those who were sick and hungry. The pool of Bethesda in John 5 was located on the portico outside the temple (or porch). People came to the portico to receive healing and seek hope, that is the reason that we chose this name.
We are excited about what God has called us to and honored that he would call us and see us worthy to suffer in any fashion for the sake of His gospel. Again, we ask that you rejoice with us in this time. We ask that you pray with us to seek wisdom and guidance for the church that he has called us to lead. Again, if you have any questions at all about what is going on please message us, text, email, or call; we would love to hear from you. Please spread the word of the great calling and things that we believe our Lord is about to do in the Southlake (north Fort Worth) area. We pray that above all things that Christ would receive the glory for everything that happens at Portico. He is ultimate and good. He is our hope. Love you all.

For His glory,

Dusty Gallup
Worship Pastor
Portico Church
gallupd@gmail.com
918-223-5504

Kyle Raney
Teaching Pastor
Portico Church
kyleraney@hotmail.com
918-894-7280

Contentment...

2009-03-05T06:39:00.003-08:00

I hope that this message finds you all doing extremely well and enjoying the amazing luxuries that we all enjoy as Americans. I wanted to share this metaphorical "crowbar" with all of you. It's too great not to tell about.

In light of this weekends events, i.e. the "GO" Celebration, I thought this would be a good thing for all of us to check out. In case some of you don't know what I'm talking about, our churh is hosting about 45 missionary families this weekend and we are pouring into their hearts and lives and thanking them for what they do for our King. We will be listening to their stories and the challenges that they lay out for us through the Holy Scriptures of our Powerful Lord. Our Wednesday night service has been moved to Friday night and I hope to see all of you guys there to hear about the amazing stories that two of these missionaries are going to share with our student ministry.

Josh Patterson is the Executive pastor of The Village Church in Dallas, TX. Matt Chandler, whom Jamie and I have pictures with and Kyle, Jamie, and I have huge respect for as a teacher, is the lead pastor/teaching pastor at The Village. Josh recently preached a message called "Contentment". The first fifteen minutes he talks about his trip to Africa and the things that he saw. My explanation does not do it justice, so just listen to it. Be prepared, in the words of Kyle, "You'll be angry, hurt, moved, happy, joyous, and crushed." I love you all.

You can download it on iTunes under The Village Church podcast for free or you can download it from their website at this address...http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/sermons

For His glory, for His people,

Teachability...

2009-02-09T15:13:00.002-08:00

First of all, as far as our English language is concerned, I am not sure that "teachability" is even a word. Blogger spell check says that it is not. However, if I were going to assign a definition to the word "teachability" this would be it:

teachability: The capability and or eagerness of one to learn from a given situation or over a certain time period.
What is your teachability?

That being said, I want to ask this question in regards to Collision '09 (ie. DNOW) and any given life circumstance or even life itself, "What is your teachability?".
Because we deem ourselves as intelligent life forms, we assume that most of us have the ability to adapt and to learn. Whether we realize it or not, we learn everyday. We see things that others do and learn from their decisions whether or not we will allow ourselves to enter into the same circumstances that they were in and whether or not we will handle ourselves in like manor.
Our salvation is much the same as our everyday life. As a matter of fact, our salvation is very much a part of our everyday life and thus part of our learning process. Paul says that we should work through our salvation with fear and trembling. If we are working through something, are we not learning from the experiences that we have? Each day we are faced with choices that will ultimately lead us to ten, fifteen, fifty years down the road. As we go throughout our day we have encounters that we call, "experiences" that shape who we are as human beings and as Christians for those of us who believe and have accepted Christ as our Savior. Through those expereinces we learn to trust or not to trust. We learn to have joy in this circumstance and be furious over injustice in another. We learn that we should be humble in this circumstance and then awe struck and blown away in another.
The Holy Spirit guides us down paths that will further perfect our salvation and ultimately bring us closer to Christ and make us more like Him. On these journies, we are shown things that we need to surrender to Christ and let him have control of in our lives. Many times these things invlolve lying, sexual immorality, cheating, anger, stealing, etc. But also at times they include our letting go of our will and control. They may involve things like, career decisions, relationships, being called to ministry, our desires, etc. Not all things that we learn from and must surrender to God are bad. Some are very good. We simply can not make those things ultimate in our lives. For if we do, they become our gods and we worhsip them and not the true Creator.
My point to all of this is that this week is our Disciple Now weekend at church where many of our students come together for a time of worship and teaching and are encouraged to bring their friends to see and experience the power of the Almighty. If we truly believe in the power and sovereignty of our Lord, then we believe that all of us are here for a purpose and by divine appointment. All of you are where you are for a reason and that reason may only be known to God himself. This week and this weekend, this year and at every point in our lives, the Spirit is trying to teach us something. He is trying to mold us and make us more like himself by replacing the things that are in us that are of ourself and not of him. My questions is what is your spirit like right now? Are you ready and asking God what it is that he wants to teach you this week or weekend or day or year? That's a hard place to be at times because we often don't want to hear what he wants to teach. We must be open and be willing to learn from our Lord. We must submit our will and our hearts to him, proclaiming that he is King of our lives and that we will listen to whatever he asks us to do. So, ask yourself and let the Spirit guide you in your thoughts and prayer as you ask, "What is my teachability?".

Stethoscope or guitar...

2009-01-01T23:21:00.002-08:00

As a senior in high school my close friends and I, the "three musketeers" as our English teacher called us, had high hopes and aspirations of becoming great and successful men. We would be wealthy and call each other on the weekend in between patients and cases and family outings and schedule tee times at the golf course in Augusta, GA. Two of us started in Biology and Chemistry at Louisiana College and one at Louisiana Tech in Chemical Engineering. However within two years we had all changed and lent ourselves more to the things that we had said that we would never do. One changed to business, one to agriculture, and one to kinesiology. We left our dreams. Could we have achieved them? Yes. Was it the best thing and would we be where we are today? I doubt it.
I've been graduated from college for almost three years now. I've always struggled with money and power and fame. I've always wanted to be the Lex Luther, not so much the sadistic and hateful wretch that he is, but the guy that can do anything he wants at the slightest whelm. I always knew that I had it in me to be the successful doctor or the wealthy and powerful businessman; however, I've never really felt like that was God's will for my life.
Recently, my wife and I, well more so me than her, have become addicted to the TV show, House M.D. I am excited like a school boy at how he handles himself and the knowledge that he and the other doctors seem simply to carry in their pockets along with their stethoscopes and extra seringes. My friends will tell you that I have a bad tendency to let my mind and imagination adapt to whatever it is that I'm watching at the time. This could be a case of that or it could just be something that I've dealt with internally for quite sometime. Watching that show reminds me and makes me think of what I could have been, or...what I could be. I remember how I decided to get out of pre-med because I couldn't handle the responsiblity of having a person's life in my hands. Is it really in my hands and not in God's? No. However, to the world and to my guilty conscience, the life would be in my hands. I couldn't handle knowing that because of a mistake I made or simply because the person was beyond care, that they would die. That bothered me to no end and I never even had anything like that happen. I never made it to med-school although I've thought of trying several times.
The question that I've posed to myself in the past few hours is this. Is the job that I'm in now not that much different? In my heart and my knowledge I posses the "medicine" of life. I know what can cure a person's wretched soul and restore them to a true relationship with Christ. However, I let people die. And truth be told, so do you. That is disheartening. That troubles me. I've felt many times and still struggle with the idea sometimes that I could be making a larger impact in the world if I were working as a doctor and saving people's lives and making a lot of money where I could financially bless people and not have to worry any at all about my family and where I could give God the glory for saving their life and not take it for myself. I've struggled with that many times and to be honest, at times, I still do. I wonder if a guitar is just as effective as a stethoscope.
In my heart, I know that it is. God uses me and many others to teach and tell of his good news and great "medicine for the soul" that without the doctors of the gospel, they would never hear. So is one profession more impactful than the other? In some circles, one might say that being a minister is more effective and another circle would say that a doctor of medicine is more effective. However, I beleive that we both can and do make a huge impact on the world and do a great deal for our God. God gave us medicine and God gave us the Gospel. He made us and only he can fix all parts of us.
So are we as ministers as knowledgeable about lupus, cancer, anemia, and all the other crazy and long worded diseases that Dr. Greg House is? No. However, we do deal with people's lives and their eternity every day. I wonder why so many of us don't take it as seriously as the doctors of medicine do. We are "Doctors of the Gospel", so to speak. Stethoscope or guitar? I'll keep my guitar for now.

The boasting axe...

2008-11-03T12:00:00.002-08:00

Music, most specifically singing, has always been a part of my life. Musical ability runs deep in our family. It goes back several generations and it is something that many have always been a part of and it has usually been in a setting of church or some sort of venue for a worship type service. As a child, I heard my dad sing and was totally blown away by the strength and power of his voice and how he could move a crowd to tears or cheers simply by the way that he lead the song and the dynamics with which he sang. I began to sing in church when I was six years old. My dad always told me that anytime someone tells you, "Good job." or "That was a beautiful song.", that you should immediately turn that to praise for God. Many times I saw my dad speak silently with his lips, "Thank you Lord." when someone would give him a praise. It's been twenty years since I received that bit of advice and it's something that I've tried to practice in my own musical career.
It is easy to say that pride is the enemy of humility. However, I would say that pride in one's self is the enemy of humility. If we have pride in ourselves, we take glory away from God. We can do absolutely nothing without the power that God gives us to accomplish whatever it is that we are doing. If someone comes up to me after a service and says, "Thank you so much. That was a great time of worship." it would be easy for me to develop of since of pride in myself. It would be easy for me to think, "Wow, I did really well." However, if I have the attitude that the Holy Spirit worked through me then I can have great pride and boast in my God that he is capable of using someone like me to achieve his glory. That is humbling. I blows my mind to think that God is so great and so powerful that he can use me to facilitate worship and lead people to his throne of mercy. I am proud of that. I am proud of the power of my Savior. He is great and he is worthy of my praise. I am not worthy of praise, none of us are.
It's actually somewhat odd to me that we think that we are capable of anything. The Bible tells us that nothing has authority or power unless God has placed that someone or something in a place of authority and given them the power that they have. After all where does all power and authority come from except from God who is the ultimate authority over all of eternity and creation? I've been reading in Isaiah and in chapter ten Isaiah is talking about the king of Assyria that God is allowing to be in power and to basically wreck shop on the Israelites because of their disobedience to God. The king of Assyria begins to boast in himself and not in God for the power and things that God has allowed him to do and to see. The king says, "By the strength of my hand I have done it, and by my wisdom, for I have understanding; I remove the boundaries of peoples, and plunder their treasures; like a bull I bring down those who sit on thrones." Arrogant? Do we not do the same thing? The student ministry that God has allowed me to be a part of has been growing and we are seeing movement among our students and they are beginnning to tell their friends and family about the hope that is Christ. The worship band that I lead with is coming together in great ways and sounding better than before. It would be easy for me to take pride in that and think that we had some great part in it. I can bring no one to the throne of God. I can save no one. I can give no one eternal forgiveness. I am not God. Later in that same chapter the Lord says this of the king, "Shall the axe boast over him who hews with it, or the saw magnify itself against him who wields it? As if a rod should wield him who lifts it, or as if a staff should lift him who is not wood!" God really lays out that he is the one who moves us and uses us. We are simply the tools of His will and His glory. We can do nothing on our own. Should that be a troubling thought? I think not. I feel as though it should be a great comfort. I know me and you know the depths of who you are. Thankfully, it doesn't rely on us. If it did, it would fail.

Rubber Meets Road...

2008-07-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

July 27, 2008
Well, the rubber met the road today for me in regards to leaving my life here in Monroe, LA. Today, at Trinity United Methodist Church I played my last gig with oneway. Honestly, I’m not really sure what to say but I just feel like writing so you’ll just have to deal with my ramblings.
I’ve been the lead singer for oneway for the past ten years. Granted, we were Everafter, Jacob’s Story (for one gig), and finally oneway for the past six or so years of playing. The Lord has blessed us in some incredible ways and allowed us to be a part of people coming to know the greatness of Christ and seeing his glory put at the forefront of things. It’s been a crazy fun and wild ride all the way here.
We’ve seen a ton of electric guitars players come and go and Harris has actually played with us before. He’s the current lead guitar player in the band. We’ve seen acoustic players change and even a bass player recently. We’ve seen a couple of singers leave even. But Matt Mc (drummer) and I have been the constant. I have to be honest, I never thought that I would see this day. I never thought that I would be the one to leave. I never dreamed. I just knew that I’d be in oneway until we all decided together that we’d done what God asked us to and fulfilled our mission and it was time for us to do something else. I never thought I’d be the one to pack up my equipment and not put it in the trailer. However, here I am.
I suppose what I just said has really happened. The part about we decided to go our separate ways because we’ve done what God called us to do for that season in our lives. Oneway has fulfilled that call and we’ve seen God do some crazy things. It’s a great feeling to know that you’ve been faithful to something like that for so long even when it was rough and took you away from friends, family, and new wives. Oneway itself really has come to an end. The other four guys, Jon, Tim, Harris, and Matt will continue on to lead worship as God leads them as a different band with a different name and perhaps a different mission. I’m glad that God asked us to be a part of his kingdom mission for this time. It’s been amazing.
As some of you know, I’ve accepted the worship leader position for the student area at First Baptist Broken Arrow in Broken Arrow Oklahoma. It’s right beside Tulsa. I’ll be moving up there for good on the 9th of August and I’ll start working with the worship band up there this coming Wednesday. It’s going to be different playing with people that I don’t know. It’s going to be different than playing with people that I know musically and think like and have experienced life with. Does that mean that I’m not excited about moving? Not in the least bit. Does that mean that I don’t want to go? No, it doesn’t. It does mean that I will miss the guys that I have played music with and been through hard things with. I’m excited about the future for them and what God has in store for them as a band and as individuals. I’m excited about being in Broken Arrow and working with our praise band there. Oneway belongs to God, it always has. The greatest thing about all of this is that God knows what’s going on and he has all of this under control. Not at any point has he wondered, “I wonder what is going to happen to the guys in oneway.” He knows. He always has. Matt, Harris, Jon and Tim, thank you for the honor and privilege of making music with you and worshiping our Savior together. Brian, Barber, Donnell, Lee, Harris, Draughn, and Gwin, I know how it feels now to leave something that you love so dearly. Thank you guys too for allowing me the honor of serving with you.

Worship hard,
gallup

Dismantle. Repair.

2008-07-22T15:28:00.002-07:00

Wow. So much has changed since the last time that I posted. So much has changed that I'd probably have to take several days of blogs or simply write a short novel to capture them all. My life has been flipped, turned up-side down and and then turned right-side up again.
For the past several months Whitney and I have been talking about getting married and on the seventh of June, I asked her to be my wife. Things have been amazing for us and there have been several things that came in our way and presented themselves as a challenge to the relationship that we believe God had blessed us with. He has blessed us with something great and a great opportunity to serve him in different areas, in different ways and now, in different places. Wedding planning is no easy task. I'm not very involved in it and it's probably a good thing. I tend to overreact to things and worry about things needlessly. So, it's a good thing that Whitney and her mom are handling the whole thing. One might say, "Isn't the groom supposed to stay out of that anyway?" Well this is true; however, I want to be as helpful as I can. I also want to avoid making a nuisance of myself. That may be the tricky part. In getting ready to be married one must look at expenses and needs. Whitney and I have been looking at furniture for our bedroom and living room and I must say that it caused to me to border depression. Furniture is expensive! To make a long story short, a friend reminded us to look at IKEA and a good friend owns Direct Buy so my worry and depression has left, thankfully. I told you that I worried needlessly.
I've also recently accepted a worship position at First Baptist Church Broken Arrow which is located in Broken Arrow, OK, near Tulsa. It's an amazing place with amazing people and Whitney and I both love it there. It's going to be a great adventure and a great place to start our life together. I'll be leading worship for the student ministry there and working with some great people. Kyle, Jamie, Brooke, and Todd are a great team and I'm excited about doing the Father's work with them. It does suck however that I must leave oneway, the worship band that I've been a part of for the past ten years. I do have comfort however knowing that if I stayed, it would hinder God's work there and that Tim has the ability to be a great leader and all will be fine there.
There are a lot of things that I didn't mention but will be included in the short novel that will be accompanied by pictures and illustrated by Jamie Pope. God has been doing some amazing things in my life and blessed me with these last few weeks in Louisiana to focus on spending time with friends and family. However, in the midst of all of this stuff going on that I do believe was God's will which he carefully orchestrated to make happen in my life and the lives of those involved, I've managed to not spend as much time with him. Is this one of those confession blogs? No. Is this one of those confession blogs? Yes.
It's so amazing to me how we get so distracted by the things that go on around us that we forget who allowed those things to happen and put all of the right pieces in place for them to happen. It's downright embarrassing when you think about. We have what Francis Chan referred to in his book Crazy Love, as "spiritual amnesia". We get distracted by the things that we've been blessed with and allowed to participate in and wind up forgetting about spending time with, giving glory to, and worshiping the one who set all of it in motion. I've been guilty of this. I've been so focused on tying up loose ends here, spending time with friends and family, spending time with Whitney, getting ready for my last gig with oneway, getting things ready for OK, and trying to prepare for all these things that I've totally neglected my relationship with Jesus. I've not talked to him as much. I've neglected reading my bible.
None of us are immune to "spiritual amnesia". We are all able to be side-tracked by the things of our lives. Think about it. If there is someone that you are blown away by and really care about, don't you do everything within your power to spend time with that person and get to know them? It doesn't matter what you have going on. You will make and find time. I haven't. I know that we are all just as capable of doing this. I'm capable, Francis Chan is capable, C. S. Lewis was capable, Paul was capable, we all are capable. Take the time to spend with Jesus. Get to know him. He already knows everything about you and could most likely show you some things about you that you didn't know. Some cool, some not so cool. Why do we continually neglect the most important relationship of our lives? May the Holy Spirit move us to know Him.

Did I get everything?

2007-10-29T22:45:00.001-07:00

It's 12:45am on Tuesday morning and I am well aware of the fact that I should have been asleep hours ago. I justify the fact that I'm not partly to the fact that Jonathan and Whitney just left about thirty minutes ago. I love being around them. They remind me of what happiness looks like. They remind me like Matt and Joni and Brian and Julie, My mom and dad. I remember what happiness looked like and I wonder if I'll ever see as pure of a form of happiness as that again. I know that I'm jaded a bit and I'm stubborn and I'm hard headed but I know that the past year of my life has been God trying to teach me a lesson that He is enough. I don't need anyone else in the whole world in order to be fully satisfied and happy, no one but Him.
You know that weird feeling that you get when you are about to leave on a trip that lasts over a week and you have the gut wrenching feeling that you forgot everything that is essential to life itself? You ask yourself if you remembered to get your underwear and did you pack enough? You wonder if you remembered your toothpaste so you will actually be able to engage in conversation with real people and not just books, they don't care if your breath is bad. Or you could be like me and toil over whether or not you remembered your phone charger so you'll be able to keep in touch with the rest of the world.
That's how I feel right now. I feel like God is about to send me on some wild ride that is going to be totally amazing and he's going to blow my mind. However, I feel like I'm forgetting something. I feel like that little voice in the back of my head is more than just my paranoia this time. I feel like it's God telling me, "Hey, I am trying to give you something don't leave it behind." It's crazy I know, but how I feel nonetheless.
I have the tendency to think too much and to over analyze things and to figure out every possible angle that could be produced, my dad said it would have made me a good lawyer, mcdonald says I just worry too much. I know I'm not at the point yet that I know that he's enough. I don't think that we can ever really reach the point of really "knowing" that he's enough until he is all that we have. Maybe he's still trying to teach me, I don't know. Maybe I just need to shut up and pick up my feet and let him carry me wherever he wants to go and to whoever he wants to take me to. It's strange how I (and I'm sure you as well) try to out think God and try to weigh out all the options of doing things. He's already taken care of all the details of our journey and he's paved the rest for us to enjoy, learn, endure, and grow from.
I think the best thing that I and all of us can do is simply trust, you know have faith, and just hold on for the ride and we should probably let God pack for us too. He doesn't forget things.

LIFE

2007-10-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

I got on facebook yesterday and I noticed that I had event invitations just like I do everyday and I must honestly admit that I looked over it and discarded it just like I do most of them. I noticed that it was some sort of abortion awareness deal that was going to be taking place at West Monroe High School today. I thought to myself, "I don't go to high school and so I'll have nothing to contribute or to do with it so I'll just delete it."
In working at the church and with students, one of the perks of my job is that I get to go and hang out with them during lunch at least one day out of the week. When Matt and I got there, we went and had a minor altercation with the scary lady that works in the office who never remembers who we are, and we signed in as visitors. As we walked down the breezeway to the cafeteria, I noticed several students with red tape on their clothes or on their mouths like the guy in the picture. I didn't pay much attention to it at first, but when we got in the cafeteria there were several more of our students and others who had the LIFE tape on their person. One of our students, had the tape on his jacket but he remained silent. He got my attention and I asked if he had to be quiet and he nodded, "yes". He pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me to read. I'm thinking that it's for class or something. As I read the paper, I was astonished. They had committed to not speak all day in protest for the lives of countless children that die everyday, every second by abortion. It blew me away. There was still a dull roar in the lunch room but it was still much quieter than normal. It was so amazing to me that these students were stepping up and making a statement that they believed these children should not be killed. How bold and brave is that? How amazing is it that these 14-18 year old students are standing up for justice when we, their leaders and parents, will not. I'm so proud of them for their stand.
They compelled me to want to know more. When I got back to my office, I checked out the website for the LIFE movement, www.bound4life.com. The statistics of the abortions and the truth as to how they are performed broke my heart. I know we say that all the time, but really it did. It was all I could do not to weep, for these children. I thought of my friends' little baby that is about to be born and it made me fearful for her peers that face these dangers. It made me glad that she has loving parents that value her and her life and her soul and their commitment to God. As I searched more, I found that there are many chapters of this movement and that you can support it by buying LIFE bracelets and making donations and most of all by speaking out for those American citizens who have had their rights taken away by those "parents" who were entrusted to protect, nurture, and care for them. All American citizens are entitled to by our Declaration of Independence. By killing these children, which is violation of another law of our land and of Scripture, we deny these American citizens their rights. We all know how precious that babies are and how dependent on us they are. Why do we take that responsibility that our Maker has entrusted us with so lightly? It is our duty and honor to stand up for these who are defenseless and strive for justice in their stead.
Again, I am so proud of the students at West Monroe High School for taking this stand. It is so amazing to see them speaking out for what they believe in. I also encourage anyone who may read this to check out the website and tell others about it so we can get the word out and pray that God will guide our leaders in the best way to protect these children.

Remedy...

2007-09-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

So the greatly anticipated David Crowder Band's new album was released yesterday and like most of the drooling fans, I bought it yesterday. There are only ten tracks on Remedy as opposed to the twenty-one of A Collision. It is much simpler in structure but the lyrics and the music are nonetheless great and inspiring to both musician and "joe the music listener". It's much more digital than previous albums, but it adds to the sound and doesn't overkill with the digital sound like one might think. It's a great album with the majority of lyrics that are simple.
This leads me to the point that I really want to hit on. Most of the lyrics that we see and sing with David Crowder, Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin, Charlie Hall, Tim Hughes, Delirious?, and the list could go on, are nothing new really. When we look through scripture we see these same ideas of God being great and beautiful, merciful and loving, compassionate and caring, powerful and majestic. We've done nothing that the Psalmist or Isaiah did not do. Which brings me to this question, does God get tired of being told the same thing over and over? Some would say that we repeat these things because we can't come up with something creative of our own to express our gratitude and love to our Creator. It would seem as though there are a set of "church words" that describe our God and those are the ones that we are expected and understood to use as worship leaders and "Christian" artists. To a certain extent, I'll agree that majestic and omniscient aren't exactly words that I normally use to describe God. I do use merciful and compassionate and loving and just. I think though that in our "puny" human language and thoughts that we have our words that are as huge and powerful as we can possibly get. We have no choice but to use the biggest and greatest words of expressing our King. He is worthy of the biggest and the best that we have. We wants all that we have. It's important that we pour out our hearts to him with all that we have. It is our call, honor, and responsibility to paint the most beautiful picture of the Creator of the universe that we can. The words that we see the Psalmist using are words of grandeur and power and majesty. Those were the biggest and greatest words that he could imagine to use. There are words that God described himself as, such as righteous, just, merciful, loving, good, powerful. Should we not use the very attributes that our Lord gave to himself?
I would say that our Lord never grows tired of hearing the same words over and over again. As long as we are truly offering it to him for his pleasure and for his glory, I seriously doubt that he cares if we simply cry out, "you are good, you are good, you are good!". He desires that his glory be lifted and and shown to the entire creation. When we praise, we do that, no matter what our words are or how many times they have been used.
"Holy, holy is the Lord" ...Isaiah, David, Paul, Peter, David Crowder, Chris Tomlin, Tim Hughes, Martin Smith

As the deer pants...

2007-07-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to long for you like the deer pants for the water? That deer needs that water simply to sustain its life. For every living creature here on earth, water is necessary for survival. Each of us has to have water to carry out our metabolic functions. It provides the base for our blood and the fluidity in our digestive tracts and it keeps all living creatures from over heating. It is so crucial to our existence and we know it. What would it be like to live for God in the same manner? What would it be like to long for him and need him just like that? I wonder.
There have been songs written and sermons preached and lessons taught from the passage in Psalms 42:1-2.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul
thirsts for God, for the living God.

That’s powerful when you really think about the implications there. My soul pants for God. That’s a bold statement. And when you think about it, it was and is sort of a strange picture and comparison of how we are to think of him. I wonder if some of the religious leaders may have told king David that he couldn’t talk about God and panting because that was disrespectful. It gives this incredible insight to how the heart was created to long for its creator. I don’t know what that is like. I don’t think that I have truly allowed myself to let go of all of my trinkets and wants and desires in this life to truly realize how much I need my King. I need my computer, my guitar, my playstation, my books, my music, my truck, my ipod, my job, my church, my family. But do I long for and need and yearn for my God in a greater way than all of those things. Do I need him like my physical body needs water?
I feel like I’ve become so blinded and distracted by those things that I listed before that I’ve in some way allowed myself to believe that I don’t need God that much. I feel like I don’t realize how important of a role that he plays. I don’t allow myself to see how much his hand is on each and everything that I take part in and participate in. For those who are married or deeply in love with a significant other, how do you feel when you haven’t spoken to them all day or several days at a time? It can make you feel empty and weak. Without that communion you feel incomplete. That is the closest comparison that I can make as to what it is like to need that fellowship with him. Having recently developed a true love of scripture, I can testify to the fact that if I go the majority of the day without reading at least some, I feel “not right”. I feel as though there is a part of me that is doing without, similar to feeling hungry. I need that fellowship, that word, that conversation with my King.
David called out to his God because he realized that was truly all that he had to hold on to. I wonder what it would be like to realize that. I wonder what would happen to us if we truly realized that he was all that we needed to sustain our lives. We say that sort of thing and sing the “as the deer pants for the water” songs but with our lives, we fail to live that. I feel like God is probably saying, “Let me show you how much you need me. It will bring you more joy than you can even begin to imagine.” What would that be like? What would that look like? To need him so much that our hearts, souls, and bodies would acknowledge that he is necessary to sustain our very lives, “life changing” would belittle the effect I’m sure. It’s my prayer for each of us that he would show us how much we need him. I want my soul to long for and yearn for my King like the deer longs for and needs the water that brings it life.

What have we become?

2007-04-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

What have we become?
A self indulgent people
What have we become?
Tell me where are the righteous ones
What have we become?
In a world degenerating
What have we become?
-dc talk

It's so crazy to me that we have strayed so far from what the picture of Jesus and the first church looks like. Jesus called us to reach out to others and to embrace them with a love and respect that people of his generation and generations before had never seen or even heard of. He loved them for who they were. He healed them and bound up their broken hearts just like Isaiah said he would. He brought them physical and emotional healing first and then brought them the true healing. I feel like at times we might scew what this actually means and looks like. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I know exactly what it looks like, all I can do just like you, is to look in the word of God and see what it says about how to live like Christ.
I know that sometimes we have issues with reaching out to others because we don't know how. We say, "How can we help these people? They won't even help themselves. How can we talk to those people? What if someone sees us?" It is really sad but that is just a sample of what the church is coming to these days. We have ceased to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit that lives in us; or at least it seems as though we have in some and especially the Baptist denomination in which I was raised. We look at the Holy Spirit as the crazy uncle that no one really talks about. We've made up so many rules that aren't scripture. We think that we know who God is and what his preferences are simply because we love Jesus and those are our preferences so they must be his. (paraphrase from Matt Mc) We dont' tell people about the good news anymore. In fact, I believe that sometimes we as Christians wonder what is so good about it. It seems that we have to have "events" to bring our lost friends to church or give away $1000 in order to get some "christians" to church. We have to have all kinds of incentives for us to invite people to come to church and hear the gospel. Apparently, the gospel of Jesus isn't enough to attract the ears of a lost and dying generation. At times, our lives reflect the idea, "is it even enough for us who call ourselves followers?"
Please don't take this as a, "holier than thou" speech. It's more of a battlecry. There are several others that I know who have dived into the word of God head first to see exactly what it says about our salvation and being followers of Christ. What we have found is that there is so much more than what we have thought was there. There is a great mystery and a story that is to be told of which we have a part. Although, the story is not about us, we still have a role to play. We are at war and people need to be rescued! Do we leave them among the enemy to be devoured? For years, we the church, have been somewhat content with that. We don't practice the love that Christ showed while in his ministry here on earth. We dont practice the love, faith, and power of a Living God that the new testament church lived out. We dont' read our bible and use it as the sword that it was meant to be.
Read Acts. Read Collosians. Read Hebrews. Read the gospels. See how they lived and breathed and worshiped with everything in their lives. This is who we are called to be. It seems that we have strayed so far from what was originally intended for our lives that we are totally missing the mark. Let's pray that God would do something so amazing in our midst that the only explanation for it, would be that He did it.

Waking the dead...

2007-04-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

Me: Good movie, yeah?
Tim: Yeah it was pretty good. Not as scary as I thought it would be.
Me: No, but it was suspensful, kinda like Red Eye.
Tim: Yeah.
Me: Did you see that?
Tim: Yeah, it was good. Dude, why is there pee on the floor of the stall?
Me: It's a bathroom.
Tim: But why pee on the floor?
Me: I don't know. (I was thinking of something crafty to say but nothing happened.)
I think it's time to start writing again.
Tim: Like songs?
Me: Yes, but that's not what I meant.
Tim: What'd you mean?
Me: Stories, stuff...just write.

So here I am writing again. It's been so long. I've asked myself the question, "What do I have to write?" When in fact, the better question would be, "Where do I start?" I have so many thoughts and ideas flooding my mind that I really don't know where to begin. I know how cliche' it sounds to say that, and that emotions are clouding even the simplest of thought processes. I'm rambling, I know. I would apologize but there has to be some starting point at which, hopefully something more than nonsense comes out of my brain.
I've really been struggling with being single and dealing with the decision that God called me (and Molly) to make several weeks ago. Through her, God showed me some amazing things about myself but most of all about him. He showed me, by allowing me to love her, what His loving the church is like. It was incredible. Through her, he showed me the compassionate and caring side of his love; while stirring in me the love of strength and honor. He instilled in my soul the longing to be brave and strong.
Recently of come to grips with the fact that I still long for those things. I long for that love that I felt from her and how it reminded of my God's love for me. I think more so however, I have longed to have someone to fight for and to protect. I felt as though God had intrusted me with this amazing gift to look after and protect. I miss that. Every man wants to be found courageous and brave, strong and noble, heroic. I know that it sounds cheesy to some but deep within our souls, God made us that way. He made every woman beautiful and they all have a desire to know and be told that they are beautiful. Each beautiful woman of God longs to be pursued the way that Christ pursues the church. I have wanted someone to be strong for. I wanted to know that my strength and my courage was needed. I wanted to know that someone needed me to rescue her and to protect her. I finally admitted that to God today, as if He didn't already know.
His answer stopped me dead in my tracks. My head bowed for I felt humbled, shamed, honored, loved, and needed all at the same time. My God, my true love, replied..."Be strong for me. Fight for me. Be brave for me. Love me."

new album (EP)...

2007-02-19T09:47:00.000-08:00

So, oneway is wrapping up all the sticky little details of making an album or any sort of recorded piece of art. First comes the craziness of recording the songs and the insanity of making sure that they all sound good and that no one is stepping on someone else's chords or whatever. After the initial battle is over, the real task comes. The mixing and mastering are the more extensive parts of recording. Neill will mix and we will listen and say, "Yeah, that's awesome!" or "No, that's not so awesome." We are almost through with that portion of it. It will be finished within this week I hope.
Now comes the strenuous responsibility of naming it, deciding on the track order, and deciding on artwork. This is something that very literally took us months on our last album A Closer Silence. We have a cover and back that we feel fairly positive about; but the issue came from the actual title of the album. This is really a very big deal when you think about it. Granted, many people don't pay much attention to the name of the album. However, some people do notice it and that the title of the album in a sense brings all of the songs together. It's like a thesis statement for a paper or the one ultimate one liner in a movie. It's the glue.
I rode home from Conway with Matt Mc yesterday and we discussed many things of how the world turns including this topic. The one title that we came up with really seemed to fit with the things that we were facing in our lives at the time and how we feel the songs reflect that. We are thinking about the title Whisper Louder. I know that is an oxymoron but it really does seem to fit the makeup of the album.
At the time all of these songs were coming together, many of us were in a transitional period in our lives. Matt Mc was getting ready to get married and starting a new chapter in his novel of life. He was trying to decide how this was all going to play together. How was his ministry going to fit in with his marriage and family and new job. I was nearing my college graduation which is in all actuality more of a scray thing than an awesome thing. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing and exciting day but the mystery of what's next can be horrifying. I was trying to figure out what was I to do with my life. I was trying to piece together my career path and how that may effect the rest of my life. I was trying to struggle with finding a way to stay in the ministry that God had called me to and still be able to pay my bills and take care of other things. Gwin was struggling with some decisions in his life with relationships and with school. He is also nearing the end of college and there are again some decisions that he will have to make. Justin and Tim were facing a really hard choice. They felt the Father telling them to leave the band they were in and come to us. That can be more than a frightening thing I am sure. Last March, Dusty Harris (our old guitar player) left the band and oneway went through a time of adaptation. We didn't know what we were going to do for a guitar player and then Justin and Tim came along. We weren't sure how things were going to work out with all of us playing and with Tim and I both singing lead, but it did.
We were all at points in our lives that things were changing for us and we were needing God to provide us with some direction. We knew that he was holy, and that he was God, and that he had placed this enormous passion in our heart for worship. However, we needed to know what he wanted us to do with it. Several of the songs reflect almost a sense of frustration and if that is what you feel then it's true. We were a bit frustrated because we needed to hear from God. His timing is perfect. In all of that frustration he was drawing us closer to him and helping us find ways of expressing our love and desire for what he had called us to do. Songs, like "Words" and "What if Your Hands are Full" reflect those feelings. Songs like "My" and "True Friend" seem to provide a resolution so to speak for that frustration.
The Lord worked everything out in his timing and with his perfect will. He is continuing to draw us together and to give us new music to tell of his greatness. I feel that our next album will be one of celebration of the greatness and glory of our God. Because he is just that, great and glorious.

Everything glorious...

2006-08-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm really not even sure why I chose that title. Perhaps it is the first thing that came to my mind or perhaps it is because it is the first song on the set list. Yes, the first song from the set list that has been toiled over from last night into the late morning. As some may know, our drummer is out of town due to his marriage and honeymoon, this puts us playing without him. Not a problem, but a situation nonetheless. I have come to realize that MattMc does bring some since of stability to the chaotic system that we use as a band. I also realize that stress that being responsible for the money brings him...Matt, I'm sorry. Last night we set up at First West and we were trying to figure out our set list for the follwing night (tonight). Well, the theme of this segment has been "Block Party". I thought that since when people get together at parties and pull out acoustic guitars and play old songs, that it would be cool to do something similar at the service tonight. We were all playing acoustic so we could all go old school praise and worship. Our set list was...1:Everything Glorious, 2: Hey Oh, 3: Meet With Me, and 4: Open the Eyes of My Heart. Matt Mc would have died at the thought of all of that; and still probably will when he reads this. After we left the church I got this feeling that something was not exactly right about the set list. It just didn't go. Well, it got worse when I got up this morning and it wouldn't leave my mind. So I mentioned it to the guys and Tim said he felt the same way last night. Draughn, said the usual "why?" and then went along with whatever worked...like usual. Gwin said it was my idea, asked why I didn't feel bad about it last night, and then we finally agreed on a new set list 1: Everything Glorious, 2: Holy is the Lord, 3: True Friend, 4: Open the Eyes. It was said jokingly, "Ya'll start talking to God before Wednesday from now on...lol." Ok?
Making a set list is flat out painful. I wonder if other bands go through such battle and pain and strife and agony and blood and sweat and tears to simply figure out the few songs that they will be playing that night to hopefully lead God's people into his presence. Surely there is some art to it. I know that it should be thought out and studied because in a way, it is just like a preacher's sermon outline. It tells us a musicians and worship leaders what we will be talking/singing about. Perhaps we as a band don't take it seriously enough. I'm not sure. Maybe we shouldn't play just because it is cool, but because it actually holds some real meaning to us and hopefully to others. Still growing...See you in the clouds...

The mysterious bluhs...

2006-08-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Bluh (pronounced like it's spelled) : The weird feeling when you don't feel joyous, yet not sad
and you feel gross in a clean sort of way.

So, that's me at this point in time. I have the Mysterious Bluhs. I'm not sad, not at all. I'm just plain I guess you might say. It's fun hanging out with everyone, which is cool. Things are great and I'm really happy for Joni and Matt on the new marriage. It was really great to see two people so happy. You wouldn't think that amount of happiness would be possible or perhaps even legal given the state of most of the people that exist here on this large sattelite called Earth. I smile on occassion, I'm just not overcome with joy. I don't think I'm supposed to be simply overflowing all the time though; that might be just a little bit weird.
I'm not sad either. I'm getting out of school in December and I'm excited about that and all of the possibilities and challenges that it is going to bring. I do miss my girlfriend and the first couple of months of college will more than likely be a little bit challenging to get used to new schedules for both of us. It won't be hard or bad, and I'm not dreading it at all, just something that I'm aware of. I am wondering where all of my excitement went about my worship. I think that perhaps I am getting another course on what worship actually is. It is a constant thing, not a feeling or an emotion, not a song, nor a service. I guess just like in my relationship with my girlfriend, it's not always "woo hoo! yeah! we are super happy and so in love!!" We would probably get on each other's nerves. I guess God isn't that way either. To truly be his friend it would seem that there are times that we would just be hanging out and talking about things in general, nothing super exciting, just things. But then one might say, "it is God, shouldn't all things he says be super exciting?"...More to come...See you in the clouds...

Some new possibilities...

2006-07-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

So, I'm trying some new things. Matt Mc inspired me to try and make my page look a little less generic and processed. I thought I'd try to give a little bit of life to it. This will be an ongoing experiment and I will see if I can't update this thing a bit more. I'm trying to decide which would be the best one to keep up...this one or myspace blog. I guess I could keep them both up, but I'm pretty sure that would twice the work with still only the 1/4 amount of effort that I have alloted my writing. So, we are once again left with a dilema. It's not a big deal though. I have moved in Matt Mc's room so maybe some of the creative disease that infests his brain will flow over to mine and I can or will be compelled to write some more. We shall see. See you in the clouds...

Twinkle, twinkle little star...

2006-07-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

I wish I could...
1. Quit my job.
2. Play music full time.
3. See my girlfriend more.
4. Be happy.

See you in the clouds...

Bright Lights...

2006-05-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

"Baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone,
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world.
And maybe, maybe maybe, you'll find something
That's enough to keep you, but if the bright lights dont' recieve you,
You can turn yourself around and come on home
Turn yourself around girl, come on home."
...Matchbox Twenty

Well, last night the first of possibly many conversations came of college and things to come. She admitted very honestly that she is not very keen on speaking of the future anymore because it makes her feel older than what she is. True, this is completely understandable and and expected. I shouldn't be surprised. It just used to make her so happy when she would talk about. It may be a little harder for me not talk about some of these things because I am older and I do think about these things because it is all around me. My friends are getting married and having kids and I know that is not in our future any time soon. I am ok with this because I'm not ready to get married or have kids anytime soon. So why am I even typing this? I'm realy not sure. I know that I love her and she loves me and that neither of us are going anywhere any time soon.
The truth of the matter is that recently I have had to fight my emotions coming from my heart and from my head. These changes in her thoughts and feelings are to be expected and I am fine with them. However, honestly, they do stir a fear in me. So many times before I have seen people change and people's hearts get broken by that change because they refuse to change together and work together. My head is telling me to run at super speed as fast as I possibly can from this relationship and to salvage what I can of my heart afterwards. However, my heart is arguing much louder and stronger. It continually reminds me that God is the one that put us together and only He could take us apart. We couldn't even do it on our own. It reminds of me of star lit skies and moon lit lakes and a first kiss that will magically live forever. My heart will win this battle and I will not run or fly or anything of the sort. I will stand by her and fight for her continually and pray for her and encourage her and love her. Why you ask? Why will I not try and save my own feelings from possible destruction? God placed me with her and put a burning passion in my heart for her, and it is not going to die. I would die for her and I would sacrifice practically anything for her. That is the way that it should be; it tells us this in the Bible.
So, princess, I will fight for you and save you and hold you to the best of my ability. I know in my heart that you will always do the same. Smile. See you in the clouds...

Wake up call...

2006-02-27T08:21:00.000-08:00

So now that my situation from last night has calmed and came to some semblence of a peaceful landing, I'm going to go back and recant on these things and try to make a little sense of them. Here is where we are. Last Thursday, I was feeling a little ill in the vocal chords and decided to do some preventative medicine. That preventative medicine only loosened up everything that was already in there and it only seemed to get worse. The continual use of my voice and the endless coughing episodes led me to believe that there was no way that I would be able to sing and in turn I would be letting everyone down. I had convinced myself that all of the responsibility was upon me.
Last night was one of the worst nights that I have ever experienced in playing and singing music. We sang Beautiful One, Lord I Lift Your Name on High, and Holy Is the Lord. Before the set, I had broken a string on my guitar - they were a brand new set. Right before Holy Is the Lord I tried to give a little "pep-up" speech in order to try to motivate some of the youth that seemed to be able to care even less than I did that we were up there playing and trying to lead "worship". As I was talking to them, I found myself thinking in my head as I do many times when we are singing and playing for others. I asked myself, "Who am I to be trying to get them to sing and worship? Who am I to ask them if they mean the words that they are singing? I don't think that I even mean them myself at this point." At the very end of of that song, I broke the same string again. My heart sank and I felt as if I had just been slain on the battlefield. My voice, which is what I have always considered my strongest weapon was practically gone, my guitar was not coming through for me, my amp was cutting in and out for some reason, and the kids were just gone, I felt defeated.
Later that night after we left the church, I found myself being brutally honest with myself and with God. I realized that when I had went in the bathroom after playing to try and hack up one of my vocal chords that I had called out to God and asked him, "Why?". I told a friend of mine later that night that I truthfully had gotten mad at God. I felt as though he had let me down and in turn I had let him and many others down in the process. I had begged and prayed that he would give me my voice back and it just never came. Once again, I asked he and myself, "Why?".
It wasn't until after I had gotten back from Wal-Mart and talked to my dad about all of this that I realized the "why" of it all. One of my bandmates came in my room and noticed quickly my "bummed" state of being. I explained to him that I just felt like if I couldn't sing that I was letting everyone down. I felt as though I was letting the kids down because I couldn't yell and shout and talk to them and try to get them into things tonight. I felt as though their lack of enthusiasm was my fault. I felt as though I let Brandon down by not being able to do this aswell. I also felt like I would let Brandon down if I couldn't sing anymore, meaning if we had to cancel the rest of the week because of me. That made and honestly still does some, make me feel horrible. I felt like I would be letting down my bandmates if I couldn't sing. If one of them were sick, then we could struggle through it and play anyway. If I am sick and can't sing, then we can't play. I felt if we couldn't play, it was my fault. Most of all, I felt like I was letting God down by not being able to fulfill my obligations to others and most of all to Him. All of this was brought to a head and then soon became clearer when our bass player said, "Dude maybe you have come to a point in your life where God is telling you, 'Look, it is not all about you.' ".
This made me step back and think for a second. Even after he said this, I still whined and complained in my previous blog. It was not until this morning at work that I could really expound on all of these things. I realized through the talking of God through my bandmates that I could do nothing about being sick. I could not make it better. I am just human and there could be the possibility that I would have to sit out a gig or two. I realized that I had taken too much pride in what I do and in turn took too much of the responsibility on myself. I was sinning by trying to take from God what was his. He wanted to help me and bear my load. I would not let him. He in turn, had to humble me so much as to see I could not do it alone. I can not do it without him. I am nothing without him. This is thr truth. So many times we sing the words, "not to us but to your name, be the glory." I began to think about those words and that song this morning and last night and realized that it was my pride coming in the way of the things that God wanted to show me. I can not make that band work, only He can. He had to show me that at times even I am uncapable of doing things. I am not God. Only he can take on all the responsibilities of his people and never bat an eye at it. This amazes me greatly.
I am feeling a lot better today. I feel as though most of my energy is returning although I am still somewhat fatigued from some of the coughing. My voice feels much better even though I am still a little nasal. I have accepted the fact that if God does not want me to sing tonight or the rest of the week, then I won't. I'm not going to fight him; he knows what is best for all parties involved. Father, all of the events of today I commit into your hands and give them to you. I give you all of my worries and concerns and lay them at your feet. If I pick them back up, please tell me about it and help me to put them back down, no matter how many times it may take. Please heal my voice and my body that I might sing your praises again. Forgive me of my pride and thank you for keeping my straight and humble. You and you alone are God and worthy of my praise.
See you in the clouds...

Just not my day...

2006-02-26T20:48:00.000-08:00

Well I managed to allow the bad day to get even worse. I'm going to tell you the end of this story and then we are going to "Tarantino" it, and I'm going to go backwards and tell you how it got to that point. And yes, I know that was from Dane Cook.
So here we are, I just got off the phone with my lovely girlfriend whose birthday was today and whom I did not get to see or spend any time with on this her special day. The reason you ask? I had to play which is not a big deal because it is what I do, what I love, and what she wants me to be doing aswell. So, she has been crying. Why? Because, I have had a bad day. Not because I was mean and I took it out on her, but just because she loves me and genuinely didn't like me having a bad day. When one of us is in a crappy mood, both of us sort of tend to get that way. I feel as though I know too, that she was upset and just sad in general because not only could I not be there, but I couldn't even be happy with her all day on this her special day. No, this was not selfish of her, so don't think that. It was her day.
So, now we are going to go back and figure out how all of this came to be. We will have to start on Thursday, because that is the day that I noticed that my voice was getting weak and that I might have the makings of a sinus infection inside of me. So, knowing that I have to play for the next week and a half, I go to the doctor, get a shot and some medicine like I have many times before. I feel much better that afternoon. The next day it starts going down hill and has only gotten worse since then. The past two days I have been doing everything in the book just in order to make my voice strong enough to get by for about twenty minutes worth of singing. I have sucked on REAL lemons, not went without a honey-lemon cough drop in my mouth for more than 15 or so minutes, gargled with honey and lemon juice, gargled with warm salt water, used some sort of Zinc spray, taken anti-biotics and some other doctor prescribed medicine, and used chloraseptic just to numb the pain. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything that I know. It just keeps getting worse.
This wouldn't be as big of a deal if we didn't have to play this Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Yes, that is all week long. I feel as though I have an obligation to the people that we are to play for and to my bandmates. You see, if one of them were to get sick, then we could struggle through it and play without them; however, if I am out, then we can not play. I know that my voice and body need rest, but I don't know when I have time to give it to them.
I woke up today and tried to take it as easy as possible, except for the times that I would cough and feel as though one of my vocal chords might just come up. I'm feeling bad about not being able to be with Molly on her birthday and not being able to get her anything that would even let her know that I'm thinking about her. On top of all that, I am feeling bad about not being able to do my job to its fullest potential. My body is tired from coughing and snotting and I'm just worn down. On the way to the place we were to play, I continue to just feel bad about everything and hope that somehow it will all turn out ok. We get there and things seem to be cool and everything is going allright. Well, yesterday, I put new strings on my guitar and keep in mind these strings have been on there for a long time. In sound check tonight, I broke the G string. This equals upsetting. I change the string and finish sound check, I'm thinking and praying..."God just get me through this please."
The time has come to play. I'm nervous and scared. The kids seemed pretty cool and I am thinking that they will help out some. Well, I wasn't exactly correct. They were ok. We were going to do about a four song set, then come back up for one more, then a break, then one more. Well, I'm struggling through the songs (singing) and it's going ok. Well, on the third song, I break the SAME STRING AGAING! This equals frustration. Oh and not to mention, for some reason, my amp kept cutting in and out, and it never does that. So at this point, I'm looking for another string after I have cut the set short, prayed and gotten Brandon to come up and speak and went to the back to change my string. I get up to go to the bathroom and blow my nose and hack up my vocal chords. At this point, I'm so frustrated and begging God to make this stop and asking why this is happening. We get back up and struggle through one more song and then we are through. On the way, home I am just feeling weak and pathetic in general, all of the negativity of today's events seem to be escalating.
I try to call Molly on the way home and she is eating so I decide to wait until I get home to try again. When I try again, she is busy trying on clothes with her mom, and she is going to call me back...no big deal. When she called back, I was talking to my dad. When I called her back, I was kinda down and told her how my day had been so bad. This in turn, brought her day down. When I had talked to her today I had just talked about how bad my day was and me having a bad day on her birthday made her have a bad day. Well she called me back about ten minutes later and I could tell something wasn't right. I finally figured out that she was down and not happy because I wasn't. This, this made me feel the worst of all. After all that had happened, I managed to bring down the one I love on her special day. How could I be so selfish as to do this? Couldn't I have just left my negativity and bad day alone for just a little while? Why did I have to dump it on her?
To make a long story short, it's been a long and not so good day. I don't know what I'm going to do about my voice. My dad told me that I wasn't superman and that I might need to accept the fact that we may have to cancel a few gigs in order for me to get better. I didn't like that. I know that I gave this entire situation to God earlier today but I know that I picked it up and took it away from Him. I have to give it back if I want to see it get better. I feel really mean and selfish for taking anything away from Molly on her birthday. I wanted nothing more than to be with her and make her happy today, and I even fell short on that. Molly, if you read this, I'm sorry baby and I will make it up to you. I hope you liked your song, even if it was a butchered up version. God please, make all of this better...
See you in the clouds... I hope I can still fly...

Jerry Maguire...

2006-02-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

First of all let me say, I am posting this on myspace and on my blog in hopes that you all will see and read this and that your hearts will be convicted as mine has about how we now, at times, treat what we do. I also pray that you as fans and good friends will keep us in your prayers and encourage us to keep searching and striving to do God's will alone and none of ours. Also, and most importantly, do not take anything that is written below as a sign and or meaning that we as One Way are breaking up or anything of the such. WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP. So, with that being said, let's begin.

Lazy, lack of dedication, lacking...these are just a few of the words that one of my fellow bandmates used to describe us as a band recently. The more that I've thought about it, the more troubled I have become by these ideas. I would like to say that they are only accusations but to be just that, we would have to be innocent. The truth is that we probably...well, we are those things. We have always been lazy in the business end of the ministry. Partly because we don't know how to do it correctly and partly because we don't want to learn. Why we don't want to learn is beyond me. There are questions that I just don't know the answer to. I believe that maybe part of the reason that we won't learn and get out there and do it is because we are scared. I will further address that later. We have toyed with the idea of getting incorporated for some time now, over a year and still nothing has been accomplished. Some of us wait for others to motivate us, some feel they need permission to do things, and others do not care. Where are we? What are we doing?
At one point in time, there was a common goal among all of the members of One Way to push and to go as far as we could as hard as we could. We knew that God had placed a desire in our hearts and that he had blessed us with amazing talents that others would love to have. Yet, for some reason he chose us to be the bearers of these weapons of worship. Years ago, we would have loved to play as much as we do know and there are many, many bands out there right now that would love to play as much as we do, because they do not. I feel as though we are like the spoiled child that when he finally gets what he wants, he no longer wants it but longs to be free from that toy so he can move onto another one. We should be ashamed. Yes, it does get hard playing the same songs over and over and it seems as though at times the people aren't caring about what we are trying to do, but recently I have asked myself this question, "Is it their fault or ours?" I am of the opinion that it does go both ways but our attitudes of worship and of playing have changed so much in the past year and a half that at times I am ashamed to get up to play before the Father. Now, it seems that more often than not, we view what we do as a job and not a privledge and an honor. It is no doubt that God should strip from us our talents if we keep on in sin and abusing his gifts the way that we do.
We are all getting older and coming to points in our lives to where we have to make decisions about our future and the future of our families. I know that we have to provide for our families and do for them the best that we can. Before any of us got girlfriends or the possibility of wives, I know that we all prayed for women of God that would be supportive of our ministry and supportive of our decions no matter what the cost of them. I feel that all of our significant others would encourage us and want us to follow our dreams and the desires of our hearts before settling into some nine to five job and leaving those hopes and dreams high and dry. All of us are tired of school and want to get out just as quickly as possible, but I have to ask, "Has the reason for wanting to get out changed?" At one time, we all wanted to get out as quickly as we could so we could pursue our music careers with everything that we had. I'm not sure that is the case anymore. I am just as guilty of this for going to class this summer and making the band unavailable for camps and the like. Is this wrong? I'm not sure. But I do feel bad about it and it is not something that I wanted to do. At one point in time, band took priority over all other things, school, family, work, and any other thing that you could think of. Classes were skipped, family vacations and reunions missed, work missed and an endless list of other things all took back seat to the one thing that mattered most to us...God's ministry and God's music. However, I think that the reason that we are more comfortable with the abuse of those is now we look at it as...our ministry and our music.
If you have read this, you now know exactly the things that are on our hearts in One Way. We are all struggling with where we are and with what God wants us to do. Once again, please do not take this to mean that we are breaking up or anything of the such. We are NOT. I will ask that you pray with and for us and we try to seek God's face and his direction for us as a ministry, band, and individuals.

More than words...

2006-02-10T14:30:00.000-08:00

I have really been struggling lately with the once simple task of jotting down a few words and then putting them to some catchy music and calling it "songwriting". That last statment really jumps out at me and screams immaturity and maybe lets me know that there is perhaps a few reasons for my inability to shell out the lyrics these days.
A few years ago it seemed so easy to just spill out some words and call it a song. I think that part of the reason for that was the words were so shallow. Don't get me wrong, yes, they did lift up God and yes they did turn into songs that people liked and enjoyed singing; but they were still shallow. The words that I would write and sing were written because they were what was right. That is what we were supposed to sing about. We knew that God was supposed to be great, and awesome, and amazing, and good and all of that other stuff that we learn in sunday school, but the truth was that we didn't "know" it personally. It was easy to jot down things like that. These days it is not as easily done.

I feel, hope, and know that I have grown in my faith in the past years and learned more about Jesus, my ministry, my faith, and myself. I think that this is the reason that these words are so much harder to write. The way I feel about my relationship with Christ can not be put into the simple words that I used to use. Now, when I write a song or try to explain to others through music what it feels like to know Him, what it feels like to know that you are inadequate, and what it feels like to need Him, I look at the words and feel that they are not good enough for my Father. He is the Saviour, the glory of the world and of all the ages, he deserves the best.
I have recently realized the truth in King David's words, "my righteousness is as filthy rags". I am dirty. I am unclean, and in truth, not worthy of singing praises to the Father or even calling Him by name. I am so thankful that he allows me and us to do so, we are so undeserving and so unappreciative. I feel as though the words that I need to describe how I feel are not known to any human language. Words seem so much harder to write because they now mean so much more than before. They are more personal and more meaningful. I want them to be something that when God hears them it makes him smile and perhaps even makes a tear of joy run down his eye at the sound, at the thought of one of his children singing that song for Him. I want him to be happy and proud.

Right now we have seven or eight songs that will go on the next album and we would like to have eleven full length songs. I have done most of the writing for this album and I feel as though it is not as good for the reason that I do not feel adequate to write for my God. However, he will provide, he always does. I want to really believe that. I want to believe that he will provide the words and music for me to give him this gift of praise and to offer the talents that he has given me, back to him. These next four or five songs on the album I believe will be much different than any of the others that will be on there. I am not exactly sure how they will be different, but I can just feel in my soul that they will be and hopefully much more effective in conveying the Gospel of Truth to believers and to the lost and my message of love to my Father.

There's a light up ahead...

2006-01-05T09:33:00.000-08:00

Well here I am, at what seems to be perhaps the greatest crossroad of all crossroads in this little thing that we call life. I am faced with decisions that will effect so many other decisions that the course and path of my life, family, and friends could be altered forever. What if I make the wrong choice, what then? Will you simply pick up the pieces that I have made such a mess of and put them back together and make it the way that you want it to be? I hope and pray that you don't have to do that. I hope that you will give me the guidance and wisdom that I need in order to make the right decision the first time.

I love playing music. I love singing and I love doing it for you most of all. However, we are all getting to a point in our lives that something is going to have to change for us ministerial. We are either going to have to be doing this full time or as a hobby. I hate the idea of doing it as a hobby but I really don't know what else to do right now. I mean we aren't playing enough gigs to be able to support ourselves financially and none of us even have families yet. I would love to pursue music completely and totally as a career and a ministry for you, but Father you know that it takes money to pay bills and to support a family and right now that is something that we would not be able to have. I am scared that we are in a sense giving up on you and I don't want to do that. I don't want to give up when if we could have hung in just a little bit longer, you would have given us our heart's desire and your desire for us aswell. This is quite the frustration.

This is my senior, well last year of college (finally) and there are going to be a few changes that take place in my life aswell as in the lives of my band mates. There are two classes that I must take in order to graduate and the best time for me to take them is during the summer and that will take up both summer sessions. I know that we were hoping to be playing full time in the summer and be able to really go at it, but we aren't booked up for the summer and we can't go in completely blind. I am planning on taking those classes during both sessions and I think that Charles Mc is planning on doing the Teach Northeast Program aswell. With both of us having to concentrate on school, I'm not sure how much we will be able to do band wise. I feel like such a sell-out.

However, there is still hope. We are going to GMA (Gospel Music Association) Week in April and we will be playing a showcase in front of record labels and management companies in Nashville, TN. Harris' cousin worked for a record label in Nashville at one time and he is supposed to be getting in touch with them to make sure that they pay attention to us. If something can come from that then we may not have to worry about our summer school or money or anything else. Then of course there is the contest that we are entering in to try and win the recording contract and the tour in China and the US, that could really help out a lot too. Father you know our hearts and what we long to be doing, if it be your will please give that to us and allow us to bless you with it.

If nothing fruitful comes from GMA or the Band with a Mission contest then comes the hard part, what to do now. Charles Mc and I will both go to school during the summer and he will get married in August. I will graduate in December. I will do one of two things. I will go to Grambling and finish my nursing degree that I started before and then changed to Kinesiology because I wouldn't be able to focus on music as much while being in nursing. I will try to get as many minority scholarships as I can so that I will not have to pay for much of my schooling. I may even sign a contract with a hospital in Monroe and get them to pay for some of my school in agreeance that I will work for them "x" number of years after I graduate from the program. After I graduate, I will work as a nurse for a while and then pursue either a nurse practitioner or pharmaceutical sales. The other option is staying here at Steel Fab. When I first started here after working here about a month or so, my supervisor had told me that our boss really liked me and admired my ambition to learn and succeed. I wound up talking to Mr. John (big boss) and he told me that my supervisor had shared the same thoughts with him. I'm sure that over the course of the past year that my supervisor has lost some interest in the because he sees how devoted that I am to my music and has lost hope in me being full time here at Steel Fab. However, if music were not as much of a factor anymore then I would appeal to the fact that my devotion to music would then swing toward my work and hope that would secure me a full time job here.

Plain and simple, I don't know what lies in the future. "I know who holds the future, it is You." (The Cathedrals) I want to sing and play music and be able to make a living at doing what I love and worshiping you all the same while doing it, if it is in your will. If not, please give me and all of us the courage to do what we must and swallow this bitter pill. Give us strength and guidance as we face what could perhaps be our greatest enemy ever, our not knowing. To all who will read this, please pray for us. Thanks.

See you in the clouds...

Desperately Wanting...

2005-12-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know that it as been a while. In this rat race that we as the human race call life, I just have not had that much time to actually sit down and write anything. The only real reason that I'm doing it now is because I just need to vent and perhaps through the bleeding of my mind onto this computer screen I can figure out just what is going on up there.
First of all, what the crap is wrong with me? Excluding the fact that I woke up to a cold shower, was almost late for class, miss the one I love, am stressed out about money, am stressed out about finals, am stressed out about many other things, what is going on? I don't understand what is going on in my head. Perhaps I just woke up in a foul mood today; that's the only logical explanation that I can come up with. I know that the majority of it is just letting things get to me and plague my sanity because they stay in my mind too long and get thought on entirely too much. But you see, I have this thing wrong with me where I think about something and then I think about other things and how they all fit together or don't, and then by the time I am through making up these ideas in my head I am practically trying on my straight jacket.
I just returned from the most amazing weekend I have ever experienced. It was full of laughter and joy, tears and smiles...just love and good stuff all around. Within four days I am feeling insecure about everything? Where did that come from? Perhaps it is due to my history of the holidays. My mom pointed out the fact about a year or so ago that I always seemed to get my heart broken shortly after Christmas. I'm sure that said people were not intentionally dumping me after they got all the could out of me for the holidays but my mom sure seemed to think so. Maybe I'm just scared. I mean, I know that I'm really not going to get left but this just isn't a good time of the year for me.
There are other things that are really bothering me too. I can't talk about them. Have you ever tried to keep something inside of you that was bothering you? It's a killer. Not that there is a killer inside of you just that keeping something inside of you, it's like a killer...ok I don't know where I was going there. The fact that you have to keep something inside and can't talk about it makes it fester, it makes it become even larger than what it is. It doesn't matter if it is good or bad, the principle applies to both cases.
At times, sacrifice is hard. I know that it has to exist in order for us to be able to prove ourselves to others and most of all to God. He sacrificed for us. He was totally miserable for us and even died for us, but we complain about having to deal with a few issues that are probably much more trivial than we are making them out to be. But what do we do about those issues. Yes Christ does care and he wants to listen to all of those concerns, but if we are truthful, so many times we feel like that even if he does want to listen to our whines that there is nothing he can do about them. Whoa! What did I just say? Yeah, I think that sometimes we really think that. We may not verbalize it, but by our actions that is what we say. Maybe it's not that bad to be miserable or to go without for the one you love. It is probably more rewarding for you than it is for them. In the end, you know that you did that for them because you love them. Just like parents do so thanklessly. Think about how many times that your parents probably did without just to make sure that you had something special. I know mine did it every year at Christmas, I'm sure that yours did the same. Then, the question arises, "What if they don't appreciate my sacrifice for them?" Some would tell you that you shouldn't ask that question and because you did, you did it with the wrong motives and it probably hurt more than it helped. I believe that if that person truly loves you, they will appreciate your sacrifice and will sacrifice for you many times over. It might not be the same month or even the same year, but they will if they really share the same passion that you do. That is how love really works. It's two sided but fits together just perfectly with one other piece, just like a "lego". Love.
See you in the clouds...

I'm not crazy cuz I take the right pills...everyday...

2005-10-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is definetly going to prove to be one of those weeks that really tests what you are made of, jello or molded bread. I'm not really sure which of those would be the better but one is soft and one is hard so take your pick. Anyway, to sort of let those of you who would perhaps care what I'm looking at this week I've decided to post my schedule that I have written of of precise things that I have to do this week. Keep in mind, that this schedule does not include paying bills or pumping gas, both of which take tremendous amounts of energy. (no I can't fly everywhere) So, here we go.

Monday
11:00-11:15 - Food
11:30-4:30 - Work
4:30-4:45 - Blah
5:00-8:00 - Class (study for huge testS on Tuesday morning)
8:00-9:45 - Work out
10:00-11:30 - Molly
11:30-1:30 - Study for huge testS and do stupid quiz for Gerontology
Tuesday
6:00-6:30 - Get up
6:30-7:45 - Study for huge testS
8:00-9:15 - Test #1
9:30-10:45 - Test #2
11:00 - 12:00 - Work out
12:00-12:30 - Swim
12:30-1:00 - Shower
1:00-5:00 - Work
5:30-8:30 - Nat's ballgame
9:30-11:00 - Molly
Wednesday
6:30-9:30 - Help Dad pour concrete
10:00-11:15 - Chill
11:30-4:30 - Work
5:30-7:00 - Work out
7:00-7:30 - Swim?
8:00-9:00 - Online Test for stupid Gerontology
9:30-11:30 - Molly
Thursday
8:00-9:15 - Class
9:30-10:45 - Class
11:00-12:15 - Work out
1:00-5:00 - Work
5:30-6:15 - Swim
7:00-8:30 - SMALLVILLE
9:00-12:00 - Drive and Arrive
Friday
7:00-7:45 - Get ready and leave
9:00-10:00 - First Assembly
10:15-11:30 - Walmart for pictures
12:00-1:30 - Work out (I hope)
2:00-5:00 - Chill with Molly (maybe)
5:30-10:00 - Game
10:00-12:00 - Who knows...maybe I'll be lucky and the world will need saving then.

-All of the above is subject to change without notice.
It will be quite easy for me to lose myself in the midst of all of this stuff that has to be done. I'm really worried about those tests tomorrow. I don't know when I'm going to have time to study for them sufficiently. I'm sure it will all work out. Saturday and Sunday will be a little less strenuous. Satruday, Molly has swim meet and I get to watch her for the first time. That will be great. Then we get to watch a movie downtown on the wall of a building and that will be cool. Sunday will be normal and Crowder is Monday. I sure hope that the world doesn't need saving until Friday at 10:00pm. That's the only time that I can fit it in without leaving other things undone. Well, their safety is more important than me finishing a list. Pray for me. I know we'll all make it out alright.
See you in the clouds...

Call on the Life...

2005-09-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

Last night we played at the NCM like usual. Worship was refreshing and the "pre-show" skits were quite amusing; however, there was a special treat. And no, I'm not talking about dinner at Bob's house or the season premier of Smallville coming on. Although, both of those things did contribute to an amazing night. A friend of ours that used to play in the band with us was speaking and bringing the word last night. The last time that Rog had spoke he talked about warfare and the battles that we wage each and everyday whether we want to or not. Rog is a fellow fighter and hero. The words that be brings from the Father are often inspiring and something that I need to here.
Rog's main point was this, "Where the thoughts go, the man will follow." He made the observation that often times when we dwell on situations of anger or depression those are the things that we become. Whatever we surround ourself with, this is to be our fate. He brought out the point that the Word tells us to think on things that are good, true, pure, and beautiful. If we think on these things then we will be on a greater level with the Father and we will just be happier in general. It makes very logical sense when you think about it. If you think about bad things then you will feel bad and the Enemy can easily get a foothold on you and break you down. If you think on good thoughts and speak good and truth in your life then the Father will have an even greater opprotunity to release His power within you.
All of these things made me think to myself, that a lot of times I am not as happy as I probably could be. For one reason or another I worry about things and dwell on things that are less the beautiful and good and pure. I will allow a thought to come into my head and become so consumed with it that I will almost believe it and will practically have to fly and check it out for myself to make sure the catastrophe that I have dreamed up in my head is not real. That is no way to live. I'm a child of the King with a caller larger than I can imagine and truly fathom. True, that is a massive amount of responsibility, but should I not be thrilled that the Father has chosen me?
When Rog was closing last night he didn't pray with us. He spoke blessings over the entire congregation. He said, "May God bless you and may truth be spoken in your lives and may no curses fall on you." He said some other things too, but I can't exactly remember them all. I got to thinking about, "where the thoughts go, the man will follow." I began to ask myself if I still saw myself as "super" as others did and if I still believed myself to be a warrior in God's army. I had to admit to myself that my thoughts had been in other areas and focused on other things. I had strayed from my thoughts of constant worship of the Father and battling his enemies. I had to fight my weaknesses. I did not want to give in to lust, saddness, lonliness, anger, jealousy, greed, or any other number of things that can plague us all.
Like Peter Pan said, "think happy thoughts and you can fly". Maybe that is the secret. It's a little easier for me than for some...to fly that is. It is hard at times to think good things and focus on the good and not the bad. I am fighting it though. This could quite possibly prove to be one of my toughest foes yet. With the help of the Father, my fellow heroes, and my "super-woman" I know that the good will prevail.

Proverbs 18:21 Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.

Choose your words and your thoughts carefully. Don't speak death to yourself and the others that you love. Call on the life and the love that is so available.
See you in the clouds...

Our Happy Home...

2005-09-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well it is almost here. The season premier of our lovely addiction. Smallville. In preparing for the up and coming first episode of the fifth season of this superhero's life, I watched a few episodes from the last season. I wanted to catch up on a few things that I may have forgotten about or perhaps just to rekindle the fires of addiction. I watched the last disk which included the last three episodes. After watching the last episode and being left at the killer cliff hanger I could not wait until this Thursday when everything would be revealed and questions would finally be answered. After I watched the last few I decided I would start over and watch from the beginning and just check out a few in between. I started at episode one. It begins with our superhero - with whom for some reason I greatly relate to - returning to Smallville via a lightning storm and he gets found by Lois. When Mom finally finds him at the hospital and takes him home she asks him where he had been. He replies with, "I was in a place that felt like home." WOW!
The David Crowder Band just put out their new album called A Collision. It's great you should go and buy it. There is a song on there called Our Happy Home. The words to the chorus are this...

Jerusalem our happy home, Would God I were in thee
Would God my woes were at an end
Thy joy that I might see

Ok, let us assume for a moment that Jerusalem isn't just heaven but simply the presence of God. There are so many times that for some reason or another we find ourselves wondering where God is. Has he left us? Did we leave him? We have always been told that God would never "leave" us. This is true to some extent. He will never leave us alone and leave us unprotected. But at the same time, if he moves somewhere else, wanting us to move there too, we will not experience his true grace until we put whatever it takes aside to get to where he wants us to be. At times, and actually at this time, this song is much of how I feel and I am sure others the same. Our happy home, I wish to God I could be there. How we long to be in the fellowship of God. I wish to God my woes were at an end. We wish so many times that all of our probelms and all of our issues would be out of the way so we could get to God. Many times those trials are there for a reason. They make us grow, they build character in us and they give us the opprotunity to give praise where praise is due. Without Christ, how would we get through things that we do?
When finally we break though to where God wants us to be, to where we need to be, then he restores the joy of His salvation. That road at times can be a long and stressful and rough journey. I'm saying this to you aswell as myself. In all of my strength and the powers that God has given me, I must realize that I can not do this alone. I need him and I need you. We need each other to hold each other accountable and to lift each other up. Just as much as you need me to fight for you and encourage you, I need the same. Thank you for doing that. Live a life worthy of the calling that you have recieved. Although you might not know exactly what you are supposed to do, you know what you can do now. We can not all be superheros, teachers, doctors, singers, or pastors but we all have a mission in Christ. Keep pushing and just trust him that he will provide all you need. He has done and continues to do it for me. Rescue is coming...
...See you in the clouds...

Perfect Imperfection...

2005-09-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

Just what is perfection and what does it look like? Does it look like what Hollywood tells us it looks like with plastic implants all over the body and orange skin that closely resembles dried out leather? Does it look like the church tells us and a trim and prim young man or young lady carrying their bible with a perfect attitude and being all sweet and nice? Does it look like an angel or God?
Perfection to me and perfection to you are more likely than not two entirely different things. For instance when you love someone you see them as "perfect". They are not perfect in the sense that they have no faults and no blemishes and that they can do no wrong. No. They are perfect in the sense that they compliment you and everything about you. Where you are weak they are strong and visa versa. To me, perfection looks like this, brown hair, blue eyes, big smile and huge heart. That could be anyone. But I know who it is. That could be the same thing that perfection looks like to you. Maybe it looks like blonde hair and bluish green eyes and a big cheesy grin. It could look like long brown hair with brown eyes and a goofy looking grin. I don't know what it looks like to you.
I wrote a paper one time when I was in high school entitled, What Color is Love?. The paper took many different colors and compared them to each other and showed that there were different levels and different kinds of love. Just as there are many different kinds and levels of love there are equally as many kinds of perfection. Although we may think the ones that we love are perfect-and they are for us-they are actually mere perfect imperfections that add joy and excitement to our everyday lives. They all have little things about them that make them not "picture perfect" but that make them perfect for each of us.
There is one who was and is perfect in every way. He is the "picture perfect". He loved selflessly. He was infinitely bold and so humble and caring all at the same time. He never did one thing that was not called for. That is what true perfection looks like.
So, what does your picture of perfection look like? I'm not saying that it's not ok to think of the ones you love as perfect, because they are for you. What I'm saying is don't get perfect imperfections mixed up with the perfect.
See you in the clouds...

Little things...

2005-09-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

In a book that a read one time it discussed different things that would edify a man's inner strength and courage and it also touched on a number of things that could destroy it. It spoke of how perhaps there was something in your past, an episode with your dad or maybe a horrible heart break, things that really could have eaten away at the core of what you were to be as a man. The book touched on knowing a stronger side of Christ and the side that was a warrior and the side that flipped tables over in the synagogue because he was outraged at the way that His house was being treated. Christ would get angry when Israel and his church (his bride) would do things that didn't really make any sense and he knew that where they were going and the things that they were exposing themselves to would just bring them down and take them even further away from Him.
The book made the point that every time that we as men push down our anger and our natural instinct to get upset about something that we sabotage our strength. The question that I have is at what point do you say ok, I have to control myself and not lash out at this situation and at what point do you say, "No I'm not going to keep this inside of myself and therein belittle myself and my true strength and masculinity". This is quite the confusing topic for me. There have been recent things in my life where used to I would have thrown one of those "gallupian fits" and then released all of my rage. But there is also a side of me that has seen the damage that those bursts of anger can cause and the hurt that they can bring. I don't want to experience that and hurt others like that again. At the same time, I am faced with the fact that if I do not release that frustration that I will become calloused and eventually release all of that anger in one place and cause a lot of hurt and damage. I don't want to hurt my inner strength and wound myself as a man, but at the same time I don't want to hurt others that I love. This state of mind is quite troublesome to me and I do not know what to do.
I wrote about this some in class this morning and I asked God to help me lay it down at his feet and not only to lay it down but to leave it there. I know that in the state that my mind and spirit are in I can not perform my job and mission as he would have me to do. I can not rescue those that need it and I can not fight for those that need it when I am having a civil war in my own heart and mind. Father I need you to direct my paths and give me guidance. I know that as a follower of You that I am supposed to be loving, caring, understanding, humble and patient; at the same time I know that as a warrior and leader that I am supposed to be brave, courageous, stern and strong. I know that there is a middle ground in there somewhere. These little things that get to me and make me want to get angry I know are trivial and they shouldn't bother me at all. Perhaps that is why I know that I should not get frustrated with them and release my anger because I know that there is no real cause to release it. Then again, maybe that is the evil one whispering lies in my ear and wanting me to let others go unrescued and undefended. Only you know the truth Father. I need your strength and your guidance. From you is where I recieve my power and my strength and my will to go on fighting and worshiping.
See you in the clouds...

The Best of You...?

2005-07-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

"As soon as you're outta college you're outta here. I'll prolly give you a week or two you know, but I have to make you wake up and put you out there in the real world. I can get some slobby student to do this job. I ain't gonna keep you around here after you graduate." These are the words that came from my supervisor as my heart fell to the ground as though it were totally engulfed in kryptonite. Holy crap, what am I going to do now?
As if this were not enough, I'm having loads of trouble out of financial aid and my student loans that will probably someday just be there to piss me off. It's amazing to me how you can call this person that tells you to call that person and then you wind up talking to a freaking foreigner that can barely speak your language (English) and you can't understand anything that the fool is saying. School is kicking my butt. It's not the fact that it is hard, because right now it's not because I'm not in it - it's summertime. I don't know what I'm going to about school. I'm pretty sure that I have enough hours to change to General Studies with business concentration and graduate but is that what I really want? I know that I don't want to be at ULM any longer than I have to be. I know that I am totally burnt out on school. I'm sick of it. I really want to chase my dreams but is chasing my dreams selling me short of a career and a good education? These are questions that I do not know the answer to. I have came to the realization that no one reads this anyway, so I guess the only person that I am talking to is You. I know that You have all of the answers but I can't even seem to get one. Do you think that I could borrow at least one? Frustration becomes me.
I know that it will all work out eventually and that You will provide for me and for my ministry and for my family. Right now, it just seems so grim and bleek. I'm scared and I'm not sure what to do. Some direction would be more than nice.

Where is my head, where are my bones...

2005-07-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I miss you. Plain and simple. I just left you last night. That doesn't make any sense. I can't make my head work right and think straight. It is quite the frustration. We were gone playing all weekend and you always seem to take it rather well. How do you do it? You never ever complain about me having to be gone because of music or other various types of "hero" work. Thank you for that. My mom told me yesterday that she missed me while I was gone to New Orleans and Mississippi. Before I could even ask the question to myself, she said, "How can I miss you when I don't ever see you anyway, you are thinking?" She said it was just the principle that I was not there. She could not just come and see me and knew where I would be if she wanted to. She missed that security. It didn't make a lot of sense to me until last night and even more so today. If I wanted to right now and got up my occasional wild-hare, I couldn't come and see you. You aren't there. Where is my head, where is my heart, where are my thoughts going with all of this rambling on? I miss that security.
You are in my prayers as always. I feel the Father pressing on me that you will need me more than ever this week. You will need me to fight for you as the Evil one will be trying to keep you down and away from what God really wants to show you about himself. I promise, I will be fighting for you. I know that you won't read this until you get back on Saturday and you might not read it until Sunday night, but that's ok too. Thank you for always fighting for me and praying for me. It's nice to know that heroes can have heroes too. Thank you for caring for me and loving me. I usually am sickend by these mushy blogs that I see from other people and generally wind up making fun of them. Perhaps because that's just the kind of sick people that me and my friends are. I don't know. All I know is that it doesn't feel quite as bad to say what I'm thinking (or signing) right now. I hope that you listened to whatever He was trying to tell you and show you. He loves us and we should love Him back with all that we have. He is the source of our love and our gifts and all of our power. He will keep us all focused on our real mission.
Well, I'm sure that this will be one of a few blogs this week. Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin are inspiring me to write a few things. And of course I'll be missing you and I'll have to find some way to vent that. You are beautiful and you are a princess. Thank you for letting me love you and for loving me. See you in the clouds...

My turn now...

2005-06-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

"I will believe it when I see a piece of paper that says you are graduating". These are the words that I hear from my dear ole dad when I tell he and my mom that I will finally be graduating in the Spring of 2006. I have been in school now for five years and this will be my sixth. Most people have a masters degree after going to school that long. This is extremely sad, yes? When a good friend of mine graduated a year or so ago, he became very upset over the fact that he was now in the "real world" and had to be an "adult". I didn't exactly understand his trouble. I had a job, why couldn't he find one? And what exactly was the big deal about getting a job and being out of school? Shouldn't it be great to not have to go?
Well, I am starting to get a taste of what my friend was feeling and if this feeling in my gut is correct as usual then that taste will do nothing but get worse. Right now, I have an excellent job. I work at a steel company (haha..how ironic) and it's a good office job that pays well. Thanks to my God, I have been able to do well here and fit in well with the people. My supervisor and big boss have talked with me about the possibility of trying to find something permanent for me here when I graduate. This should be great. Right?
Here's the delima. Like my friend, I am in a worship band that is doing better than ever and I can feel God's presence in our ministry like never before. I love every aspect of the music ministry. It has been my dream to sing and play professionally as long as I can remember. If I were to graduate and get offered this full time job, then there would be times that I wouldn't just be able to take off for band stuff. If I turned down the full time job, then I could possibly lose my part time job aswell. However, I would be chasing my dream and fulfilling the life of a starving musician. So, do I take one road and try to prepare for my family and my future or do I take the other and chase my dream. All of my heart wants to chase my dream. Like Broussard said, "If you don't chase your dream, then someone else will." At the same time, I feel the responsibility of providing for my family. I know that God will always provide for me and my family and our ministry as long as we are giving him the glory and doing things right. Perhaps it really is nothing at all to worry about.
I feel like God is about to do something big in our ministry and make all of these decisions so much easier for us. But I feel like that first step into full time ministry is going to be a rather significant leap of faith. I'm scared...can a hero be scared? ...See you in the clouds...

Just some mindless ramblings...

2005-05-01T17:11:00.000-07:00

You know there are certain times in a man’s life when he begins to ask himself this question; what am I here for? On one hand I have to say, I know the reason for my existence and I know what it is that I have been called to do. On the other, I ask myself, if this is what I am supposed to be doing then why can’t I seem to do it successfully?
I mean really, I try and I try each and every day to do the “right” thing and still I find myself falling even less than short of what it is that I am shooting for. I guess I try to be perfect, I try to satisfy everyone and most of all myself and God. I try to save everyone and I know that with all of the powers that I have, I can’t. There is no way that I can be everywhere and do everything all the time. God is the only one who can do that. He is the supreme power and the super hero of super heroes, the warrior of warriors. How I long to be more like that.
I find myself falling to the same enemies more regularly than before. Well, I guess it is more regularly. I mean, I know that I fight harder than I used to and with more intensity so maybe that’s why when I do fall prey to them, it seems more devastating to me. A friend recently told me that I can’t be perfect and that I can’t be strong all of the time. This is true. This friend said that I was stronger than most people that she knew. This really meant a lot to me. To be recognized and lifted up as a warrior in God’s army. I don’t want to boast so let me say, that God has brought me closer to Him and allowed me to see more of Him and realize what else is going on around us that we don’t see normally. Through his grace I have just become more aware of the enemies that torment us daily.
It is such an encouragement to know that I don’t have to fight all of these battles alone. I know that I have a friend and a fellow warrior (princess) fighting along side of me and praying for my daily and constantly. I know that I have Christ standing at my side and in front of me taking all of the blows that I should be taking and standing up for me and praying for me to the Father too.
Even with all of this, at times I still feel inadequate to fulfill my duties as a warrior in the Almighty’s army and to be the hero that this world so desperately needs. Maybe that is what I’m having to come to grips with now. Even with all of the abilities God has blessed me with, I still can’t do this on my own and I am inadequate. I can’t do it for my own glory or for my own reasons. I have to do it to glorify the Father. I have to seek His council and his love at all times. “He will not allow more temptation than you can handle to come to you. He will always provide you a way out of it.”…I Corinthians 10. I know that we are all stronger in Christ and that through Him we can do ANYTHING. Christ has given us a power and an authority through His name that makes us stronger than anything the enemy can throw at us. It’s time for a change in our strategy against the enemy. Father, give us strength to make it and to press on when we think that we are defeated and make your strength perfect in our weakness.
Now, with all of that said, let’s go and save the world….See you in the clouds…

Flying and other problems...

2005-04-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Here I am yet again at work and with every ounce of my being TRYING to appear busy. I have done all of the work that is really required of me right now and I'm at the "look busy" stage. Anyway, while I sit here I think about several different things that plague my mind at their joy and my expense. First of all is school and the fact that I still haven't been advised yet and if I intend on graduating next spring, this is probably something that I should get done rather quickly. Also along with that is finals, the dreaded tests that teachers recieve their devilish grins from as students literally make themselves sick studying for them.
Next would probably be my first flight and how I can't wait until I get to take another. I have wanted to write a blog about my first flight but it was just so amazing that I really could not find the words that I needed to talk about it. Thank goodness that I was able to pull it off with no one getting hurt or letting the world fall into some sort of catastrophic state. I guess the "hero" came out on top again. It was definetly a place that felt like home and I felt as though a part of me had been reborn. I really don't know what else to say about that flight...it was amazing.
Perhaps the thing weighing the heaviest on my mind right now is a close friend of mine and a fellow fighter. He is like me in a lot of ways yet so different and more negative than I could ever dream of being. He is in a lot of pain and may have to undergo some surgery to fix him and I have to admit that I have been somewhat selfish in the fact that I just don't want to have to do it without him. He's really an important part of what we do. We have all noticed somewhat of an increased negativity in his attitude and this bothers us...a lot. We all have to understand that our REAL jobs come first...before family, school, relationships and everything. That's just how this thing works. We have been called to something bigger and more important than our own selves. I hope he understands that. If anyone at all reads this...please pray for us and for him that I don't throw him through a wall and the other two don't tear his head off. Seriously, pray for him and his problems and us too that the enemy wouldn't be able to get in. Gotta go, hero stuff to do...See you in the clouds...

First flight...

2005-04-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

I don't think that I have ever been this nervous. Have I ever been this anxious about anything? I don't really think so. I have been roaming around all day just wondering and thinking to myself about the logistics of what I have to do. I have come to this conclusion, there is absolutely nothing logical about it. I mean really. There are so many things that tell me that this is impossible but then I hear this voice in my head saying, "No, it's ok. Calm down and do what you are supposed to do. Fulfill your destiny and be who you are meant to be." That's really easy for him to say. He doesn't have the consequences that I could have to face. I just don't know.
This morning in the weight room, as if I weren't shaky enough, I was pulling on some cable and weights (trying to keep the open display of what I can really do to a minimum ya know) and as I was pulling down on it the cable snapped and all the weights came crashing down. As I said before, like I needed anything else to get me shook up. My heart was going 90 to nothing for a pretty good while after that. I couldn't run and couldn't quit talking to God in the steam room because it was just so thick on my mind. This is killing me.
Very seldom if ever do I get to sit at work and do absolutely nothing. Jeff just told me, "Here I can give this to you to put on your desk and make you look busy. You've already done everything that I have here." After that big honkin job that I just got through with I should be welcoming some free time and relaxation. But of all days, today! Now, I'm stuck here and having to think about it. I'm excited yeah, but horrified all the same. What if I screw up? People's lives could be at stake. The world as we know it could even cease to exist. Oh the pressure. Is this what makes me do the best job that I can or what keeps me from doing the best? So many questions and just not enough answers or time to find all of the answers.
I know what I have to do and I don't have a choice as to whether or not I can do it. It must be done. I have to know what it's like. I've been waiting for something, I've been sitting for too long. I've been waiting but oh tonight this one last try goes on and on and on. Well I guess it's now or never.
... See you in the clouds...

To become something else...

2005-03-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

More often than not, when we want something we will usually go to whatever means it takes to get thing. This is of course considering how badly that we want it. Just think about the modern world, and or America that we live in. It's the American dream. Shoot for the stars, make lots of money, buy lots of things, have lots of debt. It's the way we live all for this to be in pursuit of some kind of happiness, some sort of adventure and grandeur. Our focus should be somewhere else.
In a movie about a good friend of mine,(Bruce Wayne, know him from some club)anyway, there is a statement made by his mentor that goes something like this, "To follow is one thing, but to devote your self entirely to a principle...then you become something else." What does it really mean to devote yourself so much to something that you change, transform, take your self to a different level in every aspect of being? What exactly does that take? This is what we have been called to do as disciples of Christ. He wants us to not focus on other things but only, and completely on Him. Just as was said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and all other things will be added to you." We are to look to him and devote ourselves to him.
In the times of ancient Japan, the samurai woke up in the morning and for the entire day devoted themselves to whatever it was that they did. They did this everyday of their lives from sun up to sun down. They trained and the taught and they served. They devoted themselves entirely to a group of principles called the Bushido. Is not our calling for warriors of God's army that much more important? We are expected to serve with the utmost intensity and truly seek out everything there is to know about Him.
God loves to bless his children, but he really wants someone to look past the spiritual gifts and blessings and really week Him. He wants to know us in a very personal and intimate way. When we will truly seek his face not just his hands and what he can do for us we will learn things about God and ourselves that we didn't know about.
When we decide to lay down all other things of this world and realize that the truth of the matter is that they don't matter. If we will seek God personally, and chase him and pursue him and devote ourselves to finding more and more of him then we, will become something else. We will become the warriors and servants that we were meant to become. Like Paul, Peter, and Timothy, the Spirit of God was with them in such a way that people could see it and sense it and the demons were totally horrified of them, because the power of the blood of Christ was upon them. They spoke more bodly than anyone in the bible before, second only to Christ himself.
We are to be transformed by the renewing of our spirits in the power of Christ. Give into him and truly seek everything about Him. Not just the "toys" that he gives us, seek God himself. It's going to be exciting. Stay strong and fight hard. Devote yourself and become something else. See you in the clouds...

My birthday...

2005-03-10T14:50:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday was my birthday, the day of my entry into this world. I turned twenty-three years old yesterday. To be totally honest, it was one of the best ones that I've ever had.
The night before, we had set up at West Monroe First and stayed there a while trying to get things just right. After we got through, against my initial judgment, we went to Waffle House. I am a closet fan of Waffle House, or at least that's the only thing that I can come up with to describe my feelings for it. Anyway, after eating too much and having at least one too many cups of coffee, I wound up staying up until about 1:30am. This put a great kink in my normally getting up at 6:45am to workout and throw bad guys around and do my morning flying and what not. So, needless to say, Thursday morning I didn't quite wake up and make it to do those things that well, I do.
That night I got to talk to someone that is totally amazing. I just don't see how God could create such an awesome person with such awesome powers and capabilities and gifts. It totally doesn't make sense. Sometimes the greatest gifts that we can recieve aren't the ones that we deserve. If we all got what we deserved it would be death, we are all born evil and into an evil world. But through the love of Christ he continues to bless us and give us people and relationships in our lives. I really believe that on the night of March 9, 1982...when I was born into this world...I believe that God smiled down on my parents and on me because he knew even then the mission that he had for me and for this someone that I'm talking about. TWENTY-THREE years ago! He knew! He knew about us before he even created the world. How totally amazing is that?
This person, has a way to speak the words of God and the words of encouragment to me like no other. I never have to wonder as to whether or not they are praying for me and fighting along side of me. I have never had an experience or relationship like that. It's really amazing. It's so awesome how just on conversation or even just a couple of words can make a day seem so much more intense. Those words are even more impacting when they are God inspired. So to you, that person that I talked to, thank you for allowing God to use you. And everyone else, thank you for being who you are to me and continuing to fight for Christ. Thanks for the great birthday everyone! The Tokyo and Be Cool was totally awesome. "I AM COOL!!" See you in the clouds...

My prayer...

2005-03-01T13:31:00.000-08:00

Could someone please explain to me how it is that someone called to so great of a task can fall so susceptible to the powers of this world. Should we not be above all of these petty powers of Satan and his demons? I mean really. I just can not seem to understand my own weakness. It is mine, should I not understand where it comes from. Over and over again I literally beg Christ to take it away. And of course just as with Paul, he says, My strength is made perfect in your weakness. I understand this but yet I do not.
I wish I knew why I continually turned to a sin that at one time I was so far above. It very literally infuriates me to think that I again and again fall to the same temptation of my old self. What is it in me that has allowed my old self to come back to life? It is so far beyond me that I almost just do not want to think about it sometimes and just write it off.
At times I simply want to forget about all of it and just live my life what would be called normally. However, I know that I can not do this. I have been called to a mission so much bigger than myself. I have been called to be The Last Son and The Last Hope of this a dying generation. Why is it that a part of me continues to try and rebel that wonderful gift, that amazing power from on high that knows no boundary. I am a warrior. I am a commander in the army of GOD. When will I truly embrace my role?
Satan feels as though he has me exactly where he wants me. If I were to be one hundred percent true to myself, I would admit that he really does have an edge over me. The reason for this is, I will not let Christ fight my battles. I am set and determined to fight them on my own. I am so hard headed that I push myself away from the Father more and more everyday with my own selfish desires to be powerful and a mighty warrior. I fail to take into consideration that I receive all of my power and strength from Him and Him alone.
Father, allow me to worship You. Help me to live my life as a living sacrifice for You. I need your help and your guidance. I need your strength. Defeat my enemies for me and allow me to stand at your side in the battle. Place my armor on me and tell me which battles to fight and give me the courage to fight them as a child of GOD. Father I love you, JESUS I love you, Holy Spirit I love you. Father place my helmet on me and give me the Sword of the Spirit and bless my battles and my talents for you. Give me courage to fight Satan and kick him in the face. Help me to vanquish as many of his demons as I can. Father, allow me to show others about you and tell them the Good News that Paul was talking about. Use me. See you in the clouds…

Constant battle...

2005-02-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

How in the world does it seem that Satan is more aware of our own weaknesses and situations in our life than we are. We could simply be talking about something and then it will turn up perhaps the next day that Satan has totally exploited the fact that was under discussion.
For instance, last night, a friend and I were talking about the door that God has for us to open and what we have to do to get to that door and to open it. We shared the fact that we feel that there is a message to be relayed to us and then in turn, through us.
I shared a vision that a lady had told me that she had recieved one night while we were playing. She said that there was a door. That door has wooden bars infront of it keeping us from opening it. She said that God told her that only we knew what the bars were and how to remove them. Once they were removed then, we could open the door and see what God had for us on the other side of that door.
After sharing this with my friend, he and I both became completly amazed at what God was telling us and what he could be trying to do with us. We talked about the probablilty that those bars are little things in our lives that are keeping us from truly being in the will of God.
We were talking about one of our fellows and how we should be praying for him because we were worried about him and some of his current situations. And I'm telling you the Devil heard every single word that we said. Today, he called and said that he wouldn't make it tonight or for the concert tomorrow night. There had arisen a problem in his life, a problem that we were talking about only the night before. It was totally insane and almost scary.
Bottom line, we have to be on guard and ready to fight Satan because he will pop his demons up on us anywhere and everywhere. We can fight back, with the power of Christ we can. We can ask for Jesus' protection and his strength that he gives us through the power of his name. So please, if you read this be encouraged and pick up your sword and shield and kick Satan in the face. And also, please keep my friend and the other three of us in your prayers. It is more than greatly appreciated.

Even super-heroes need a Savior.

....See you in the clouds....